I’m starting to think I want to explore other sides of myself with this blog. Not necessarily just the growth aspects. I want to explore more of the artistic and metaphysical side of things, but this blog and I will always be growth-oriented. I want to change the way this blog looks, something designed entirely by me. I’m in a very strict, forward mood. No more bullshit, okay?

Sometimes when we are scared to do something our subconscious mind will find a reason to put it off. Do you ever find yourself procrastinating or saying “tomorrow will be better” or “when I have more/less/enough…”? Stop letting little details get in the way of your goals! These are YOUR goals, nobody is forcing you to have them. Why cheat yourself? Stop it!

I know that I have the deep-rooted fear that any success I have will be disappointing. I have to remind myself that I can be happy right now, enjoy the present moment, without depending on some future event. Any changes I make and any goals I achieve will just be a bonus. I try to let go of my expectations. When you think too much or overanalyze, things tend to get boring. If you live out future situations in your head too much, you’re taking the excitement away and at the same time you’re not staying in the present moment. I think visualization is good, but if you’re overdoing it, it kills the excitement. It’s important to be in the present moment and not somewhere else, or you truly miss out.

Simply trust in yourself. Let go of any doubts and inhibitions. They will only hinder you. If you have complete faith in yourself, you will keep going. No matter how much rejection you face, you will move forward because you know that your goals are achievable. When we overanalyze, worry or ask “what if” all the time, we perpetuate the doubt within ourselves. It’s good to be practical and ask questions, but you can easily overdo it and hinder yourself. Confront any deep-seated fears, inadequacies, doubt and so forth. They could be stalling you more than you know.

I’m realizing I limit myself a lot. I have these beliefs and ideas that keep me stuck… I’m a big procrastinator and a huge perfectionist. Not a good combo. I need to work on the procrastination and realize that I’m not doing myself a favor when I “take a break”. I’m only wasting more time. It’s ironic. What is the point of being a procrastinator? You stress out about having things to do, so you put them off, only causing yourself more stress. It’s silly.

I’m also feeling a bit disappointed with life. What is it that I’m here for? I feel a shift in my awareness and it hasn’t exactly been pleasant. Society teaches us to derive our happiness from materialistic things. I valued material things so much growing up, but now I’m realizing how dead these things are and how they mean nothing. Of course, there’s still the part of me that is obsessed with materialism, but I feel a huge disconnect with that part of me at times. As liberating as it is, it’s also scary. I feel sad when I think about how everything most people are seeking happiness from is meaningless. But who am I to criticize? I’m stuck in this cycle too. I just can’t shake the sad feeling.

This week is going to be a huge growth experience for me. I’m going to be resisting instant-gratification all week and I’ll be thinking more long-term. So that means no unhealthy food. I think I’m doing a 7-day raw vegan thing…

No being online all day, no TV, no wasting time, no sleeping in.

I fear that if I detach myself from the material world that all my dreams and goals will mean nothing, that I will become a freak, that I won’t take care of myself because I won’t care about appearance. But living materialistically doesn’t sound like the smarter alternative either. We all seek approval, attention, adoration. It’s pathetic to me sometimes, but I’m apart of it. I need to find some kind of a balance, but I’m not always a big fan of balance. I like extremes.

I want to be real. I don’t want to put on a mask or pretend to be someone I’m not. This website is supposed to be who I am at any given point in my life and I don’t want anything to be off-limits. I want to be able to write about whatever’s going on in my head.

I don’t think most people are willing to subject themselves to the world like that, so maybe I have a competitive edge there. It took me a lot to get to the point where I’m ready to put it all out there and just deal with whatever people may think. I’ve learned not to care what people have to say so much and how to use constructive criticism. I focus on being the best person I can and that seems to be an endless, yet rewarding journey.

I don’t want to be someone who hides behind their computer and takes comfort in anonymity because that would not help me grow. The point of this website is to grow. I’m okay with someone saying something negative about me because I can take it with a grain of salt or use it constructively and to my advantage. You have to learn how to take something positive from everything you experience. That is vital.

I’m not here to play around. I am here however, to have fun. Fun is important in everything. But I’m very serious about all of this. This website is me, it’s not just a hobby. I’m looking at what I believe to be the most meaningful things in life and going after them.

Life is too short. I could die tomorrow. I try to live everyday like it’s my last. Ask yourself: “What are the things I value most and how can I incorporate them into my life better? What can I go after now that is most important to me?” Remember, tomorrow is not promised. Develop a sense of urgency and be genuine. You will see dramatic results.

Keep it real, people.